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George Bailey

Blogger's Note: Thanks to Natalie for this post!

Basics:

George Bailey is the protagonist in the film It's A Wonderful Life, portrayed by all-American good-boy Jimmy Stewart. George Bailey repeatedly puts his own plans and desires aside for the good of his family, his father's business, and his town. After a hasty wish that he had never been born, his guardian angel shows him exactly what life would be like without him.

Pros:

Handsome

Extremely loyal to his family

Good father

Good dancer

Hard-working

Would love to travel, if he could get the time off

Takes on the town Grinch

Has his own guardian angel

Has made an impact on his entire town just by living in it and being the wonderfully ordinary man he is

Cons:

Works extremely hard at a low-paying, seemingly thankless job

That flighty Uncle Billy

Tends to drink when stressed

A weekend away is pretty much out of the question

Might commit suicide (if he believes it's for the good of his family)

Has a "martyr-ish" attitude at times

It's Raining Men

um, not really.

Any suggestions???

Jim Craig

Basics:

Jim Craig, AKA The Man From Snowy River, is the hero of the film "The Man from Snowy River." This 1982 film made in Australia was based on the Banjo Paterson poem of the same name. Jim is orphaned (as a grown man) and forced to fight for his right to live on the land his father once owned. Jim battles the troublesome Brumby Mob, wild horses and ornery cattle, as well as the judgmental father and antagonizing would-be-suitor of the woman he loves.

Pros:

Dude can ride him some horses.

The way he says "Jess" will melt your heart.

Wears a super cool hat (doesn't he, NT?)

Can tame a horse without breaking his spirit...and does the same with women.

Hails from Snowy River, God's country for sure.

You won't have any in-laws to deal with.

Cons:

Is in love with a woman with the biggest jawbone I've ever seen.

Sometimes puts cattle driving ahead of his woman.

Is defiant to a fault.

Probably stinks from being in the wild for weeks.

Marry, Date, or Dump

This selection of Speak Now...was inspired by last night's Emmy's broadcast (which was less than inspiring to say the least). Who's it gonna be, ladies? Drama, Comedy, or Reality?

Patrick Dempsey, Steve Carell, Jeff Probst

Gabriel Allon

[No photo currently exists. No doubt to protect his identity.]

Basics:
Gabriel Allon is the heroic protagonist and literary creation of best-selling fiction writer Daniel Silva. Gabriel is an agent/assassin in Mossad, the secret intelligence service of the State of Israel. Gabriel works undercover as restorer of priceless works of art, specializing in the Old Masters.

Pros:
Is good with his hands, good with his guns.
Doesn't kill for fun, but gets the job done.
Made things right after Black September.
Is at home in Israel or in Italy, where he's friends with the Pope.
Is highly intelligent, speaks several languages, knows his art.
Faithful to his loved ones; a reluctant assassin.
Understands the threat of Islamic terrorists and doesn't let bureaucratic cowards get in his way.

Cons:
Has a guilt complex he can't rid himself of.
Can't say no to the Memuneh.
Is getting up in years.
Doesn't love Sarah back.
Gets beat up (badly) in nearly every plot.
I have no idea what he looks like. (That's what imaginations are for.)

Leopold Mountbatten

Basics:
In 1876, Leopold Alexis Elijah Walker Gareth Thomas Mountbatten, Duke of Albany and inventor of the elevator, is a stifled man and dreamer. Leopold happens upon a time portal, by which he's able to find his way to present day and also find his soul mate Kate.

Pros:
1. Says things like this:
Kate: Why are you standing?
Leopold: I am accustomed to stand when a lady leaves the table.

Leopold: Otis always told me love is a leap. Lamentably, I was never inspired to jump.

Leopold: What has happened to the world? You have every convenience and comfort, yet no time for integrity.

Leopold: Marriage is the promise of eternal love. As a man of honor I cannot promise eternally what I've never felt momentarily.

2. Wins a woman who feels like this about love:
Kate: I'm not very good with men.
Leopold: Perhaps you haven't found the right one.
Kate: Maybe. Or, uh... maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.
3. Good with a sword and with wit
4. Great on a horse, well-dressed, man of conviction
5. Knows his opera and his science
6. Hasn't allowed invention to spoil imagination

Cons:
Travels between centuries, which will make it harder than usual to spend time together
Doesn't understand the simplest of things, like a toaster
Most of your friends will think he's gay
Has one SERIOUSLY long name. Monograms will be a problem.
As awesome as he his, your ex-boyfriend won't be jealous and will still say things like:
Kate: I wasted my best years on you.
Stuart: Those were your best?

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace IV

Okay, ladies, here's our little reader-participation game we call "Marry, Date, or Dump." For the following list of names, you have to tell me (by leaving a comment) which man you'd marry, which man you'd date, and which you'd dump. I'll go last. For more details on each man, click on his name.

1. Olympic Gold Medalists: Michael Phelps, Bryan Clay, Usain Bolt

2. Famous Actors: Jude Law, Hugh Jackman, Daniel Craig

3. Past Presidents: Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan

Maximus

Basics:
His name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.

Pros:
The only man (besides William Wallace) who looks good in a skirt
Knows how to work a crowd
Gives gladiators a good name
A leader wherever he goes
Will do whatever it takes to achieve his goal

Cons:
Has a slight chip on his shoulder
Is destined to die, and doesn't seem to mind
All the ladies love him
May throw a phone at you if you tick him off (sorry, couldn't resist)

Westley AKA Farmboy

Basics:

Westley is the protagonist hero of The Princess Bride, a 1987 film, based on the 1973 novel of the same name by William Goldman. For more details, click here.

Pros:
His name is NOT Inigo Montoya
Can defend you against ROUS's
Can swordfight with both hands
Has built up an immunity to poison
Answers your every request with "As you wish"

Cons:
Is a pirate by trade (when he's not a farmboy)
Is always fighting for his life, and usually yours
Has some strange friends, most of whom are ex-enemies
Will die by torture---no, inconceivable!

Just for Fun

Artorius (King Arthur)

Basics:
King Arthur is a legendary British leader who, according to medieval histories and romances, led the defense of Britain against the Saxon invaders in the early 6th century. According to me, King Arthur rocks.

Pros:
Has amazing strength (see sword-pulling prowess)
5 words: Knights. of. the. Round. Table.
Um, he's king, people.

Is the stuff legends are made of

You get to live at Camelot

Cons:
Highly doubtful that he showers much
Will never believe that you & Lancelot are "just friends"

Always has that pesky Merlin to deal with

Is long deceased, if he ever lived

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace III

Okay, ladies, here's our little reader-participation game we call "Marry, Date, or Dump." For the following list of names, you have to tell me (by leaving a comment) which man you'd marry, which man you'd date, and which you'd dump. I'll go last.

1. Billy Graham, T.D. Jakes, Joel Osteen

2. Superman, Spiderman, Batman

3. Clark Gable, John Wayne, Cary Grant

Gilbert Blythe

Basics:

According to Wikipedia, Gilbert Blythe is the rival, friend, love interest, and eventual husband of Anne Shirley in Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables series of novels. Gilbert is described in the books as being very handsome, with dark, curly hair and hazel eyes. He is tall with a lean build. In his youth, he seems aware of his good looks and popularity with the girls, therefore, he was somewhat smug and self-assured. Anne's dismissal of his affections, however, seem to ground him, and he matures and is well-liked by many. Throughout the series, Gilbert is depicted as a fair, practical and reliable man, who is inclined to have a "common sense" view of things. Keenly intelligent, he has a strong wit and sense of humour. He eventually becomes a highly-respected doctor in the town of Glen St. Mary, PEI, where he lives with his wife Anne and their seven children.

Pros:

Is man enough to take all that "Anne with an E" can dish out

Doesn't go from girl to girl once he knows what he wants

Has an adventurous spirit and playful sense of humor

Isn't afraid of Marilla Cuthbert (Lord knows I am!)

Is a doctor so you can save on medical bills

Cons:

Apparently doesn't know how to use birth control

May resort to pulling your hair or calling you names

Has long bouts of Scarlet Fever and will be one more person you have to take care of (even though he's a doctor!)

MacGyver

(Blogger's Note: This man worth marrying was submitted by blog reader Rachel.)

Basics:

According to MacGyver Online (yes, there is such a thing), MacGyver is a non-violent action-adventure hero. Faced with danger, MacGyver’s first reaction is always to stop for a moment and think. Armed with only a Swiss Army Knife, a roll of Duct tape, and whatever materials happen to be lying around, ex-DXS agent, and now field operative for the Phoenix Foundation, MacGyver applies common sense and basic principles of science to imaginatively outwit his adversaries.

Pros:

Will be able to help you get out of any jam (and with only a piece of gum)

Highly intelligent and optimistic and you can tell your dad he's an "engineer"

Probably knows the words to every 80s song

Unlike most action heroes, he actually feels pain when he gets hit

Cons:

Unlike most action heroes, he actually feels pain when he gets hit

Refuses to carry a weapon (which can be problematic for an action hero)

Is in need of a new wardrobe or a guest spot on What Not to Wear

Gave men the idea that duct tape solves everything

Captain von Trapp

(Blogger's Note: This man worth marrying was submitted by blog reader Natalie.)

Basics:
Commandant Georg Ritter von Trapp headed the Austrian singing family portrayed in The Sound of Music. His exploits at sea in World War I earned him numerous decorations, including elevation to the Austrian nobility.

Looked like this in real life:
Looked like this in the movies:

Pros:
Good father
Dashingly handsome
Resistant to the Nazi takeover of Austria
Can sing and play the guitar
Can dance
Willing to give up a baroness for a nun

Cons:
Already has 7 children
Slightly rigid
Probably pretentious
May slip back into the habit of calling family members with whistle blows

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace II

Okay, ladies, here's our little reader-participation game we call "Marry, Date, or Dump." For the following list of names, you have to tell me (by leaving a comment) which man you'd marry, which man you'd date, and which you'd dump. I'll go last.

Don't worry. You won't actually have to follow through on your choices. It's just for fun. (And if you don't know who someone is, you can click on his name and read what Wikepedia has to say.)

1. Will Smith, William the Conqueror, Prince William

2. Tom Brady, Brett Favre, Kurt Warner

3. Samuel Clemens, Prophet Samuel, Sam Houston

Theodore Laurence AKA Laurie/Teddy

Basics:

Called Theodore by his grandfather, Laurie by his friends, and Teddy by the woman he loved most, Theodore Laurence was the charming, playful, and rich young man who lived next door to the March family in the novel Little Women written by American author Louisa May Alcott and published in 1868. The story revolves around the lives and loves of four sisters growing up during the Civil War. Josephine "Jo" March is my favorite character and the star of the novel. Jo is a tomboy who is very outspoken and has a passion for writing. Her bold nature often gets her into trouble...one notable mistake (in my opinion) was turning down Teddy's proposal!

Pros:

Literary, artsy, loves music and plays the piano

Articulate and well-traveled

Handsome, rich, immaculately dressed

Young and wild at heart; playful and fun

Intelligent and an accomplished lawyer

Cons:

A lawyer

From a dysfunctional family; won't go against the old man

Could marry your sister

Might grow up to be a Bat

Gives up at "no" too easily

The Scarlet Pimpernel

Basics:

The Scarlet Pimpernel, AKA Sir Percy Blakeney, is the hero of a novel (and later play/movie/musical) written by Baroness Emmuska Orczy, set during the Reign of Terror following the French Revolution. He is the leader of a secret society of 19 English aristocrats, the "League of the Scarlet Pimpernel." Together, they are engaged in rescuing their French counterparts from the daily executions. The mysterious Scarlet Pimpernel takes his nickname from the drawing of a small red flower with which he signs his messages. He hides his true identity behind the persona of a dull, slow-witted fop in order to deceive the world. They seek him here, they seek him there, those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in heaven, or in hell? That damned elusive Pimpernel!

Pros:

Courageous with no need to be applauded

A man of honor and loyalty

Fights for what's good and right

Willing to die to save others

British: well-dressed, well-spoken, well-mannered

Sink me! The man's a poet!

Says things like this to his lover: "You must tell me all about yourself, in every detail, but oh, so slowly, so very slowly, so that it takes a very, very long time."

Cons:

Wears wigs and plays dress-up

Has identity issues and multiple personalities

Doesn't tell his wife the truth

Nearly dies...quite a bit

Your friends and family will all think him a fool

Kirk Cameron

(Blogger's Note: This post was submitted by blog reader mjm.)

Basics:

Kirk Cameron is most famous for his role as Mike Seaver on the television show "Growing Pains" from 1985 to 1992. He was a teen idol in late 80s and appeared on the cover of Tiger Beat and Teen Beat magazines. He was a self-proclaimed atheist until 17 when he became a Christian. With the zeal of a new Christian, he desired to be a better role model and made waves on the set of "Growing Pains." He later fell in love with Chelsea Noble, a Christian who his character was dating on the show. They later married but had removed themselves from the rest of the cast who was not invited to their wedding. They now have six children together. Kirk is returning to the big screen in the fall as the star of the movie "Fireproof," the follow-up movie from the makers of "Facing the Giants."

Pros:
He's a Christian
Outspoken about his faith
Loves kids
Is involved in full-time ministry (Way of the Master)
A childhood star who has remained successful and grounded
Apologized for distancing himself from the rest of the cast of "Growing Pains" after becoming a Christian

Cons:
Married
Constantly recognized by everyone

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

Okay, ladies, here's a little reader-participation game I'm going to call "Marry, Date, or Dump." For the following list of names, you have to tell me (by leaving a comment) which man you'd marry, which man you'd date, and which you'd dump. I'll go last.

Don't worry. You won't actually have to follow through on your choices. It's just for fun. (And if you don't know who someone is, you can use my old friend google.)

1. Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Thomas LeFroy

2. George Clooney, George Bush, George MacDonald

3. Matthew Mcconaughey, Matt Damon, Matthew who wrote the Gospel of Matthew

The Phantom of the Opera*

Basics:

According to Wikipedia, The Phantom of the Opera (in French, Le Fantôme de l'Opéra) is a French novel by Gaston Leroux. Initially, the novel sold very poorly and was even out of print several times during the twentieth century. Today, it is considered to be a classic of French literature. It has since been adapted many times into film and stage productions, including the notable Andrew Lloyd Weber 1986 musical starring Michael Crawford (ahem!) as the Phantom. (Side note: The Phantom of the Opera musical is now the longest running Broadway show in history and the most lucrative entertainment enterprise of all time, its worldwide box office over the past 20 years out-grossing even the highest grossing film in history, Titanic.) For more information on the story itself, see here.

Pros:
Dude can sing

A one-woman man

Misunderstood romantic side that appeals to women

He's French

Cons:

He's French

VERY jealous lover

Has stalker/might kidnap you/kill your boyfriend/raving lunatic tendencies

Not so easy on the eyes

Lives in the sewer

History of extortion and violence

*Upon review, it seems that Erik AKA The Phantom may not be a man worth marrying after all. Turns out he's got some really serious cons stacked against him. But when I say "dude can sing," I mean dude can REALLY sing.

Murph and His Men*

It takes some kind of man to become a Navy SEAL. I don't know that all of SEALs are men worth marrying, but I know that I'm grateful for every last one of them. And then there are these men: Michael Murphy, Matthew Axelson, Danny Dietz, and Marcus Luttrell, men who battled the enemy during Operation Redwing. According to news reports and testimonies by family, friends, and lovers, these men were definitely worth marrying. The posted bio basics is for their leader, Lt. Michael P. Murphy, and the photos are of the brave warriors who served with him---three of the many who gave their lives in the mountains of Afghanistan and the lone survivor who lives to tell the story. (It's long, and it's a departure from this blog's usual sarcasm, but you asked for reality...well, here's some reality!)

Basics:
According to the Navy military Web site, Michael Murphy was born in 1976 in New York. Murphy grew up active in sports and worked as a lifeguard in the summers. Murphy attended Penn State University, where he was an exceptional all-around athlete and student, excelling at ice hockey and graduating with honors. He was an avid reader; his reading tastes ranged from the Greek historian Herodotus to Tolstoy's War and Peace. Murphy's favorite book was Steven Pressfield’s Gates of Fire, about the Spartan stand at Thermopylae.

Muphy graduated BUD/S training and willingly served his country as a SEAL. In 2005, Lt. Murphy was the officer-in-charge of a four-man SEAL element in support of Operation Red Wing tasked with finding key anti-coalition militia commander near Asadabad, Afghanistan. Shortly after inserting into the objective area, the SEALs were spotted by three goat herders who were initially detained and then released. It is believed the goat herders immediately reported the SEALs’ presence to Taliban fighters.

A fierce gun battle ensued on the steep face of the mountain between the SEALs and a much larger enemy force. Despite the intensity of the firefight and suffering grave gunshot wounds himself, Murphy is credited with risking his own life to save the lives of his teammates. Murphy, intent on making contact with headquarters, but realizing this would be impossible in the extreme terrain where they were fighting, unhesitatingly and with complete disregard for his own life moved into the open, where he could gain a better position to transmit a call to get help for his men.

Moving away from the protective mountain rocks, he knowingly exposed himself to increased enemy gunfire. This deliberate and heroic act deprived him of cover and made him a target for the enemy. While continuing to be fired upon, Murphy made contact with the SOF Quick Reaction Force at Bagram Air Base and requested assistance. He calmly provided his unit’s location and the size of the enemy force while requesting immediate support for his team. At one point, he was shot in the back causing him to drop the transmitter. Murphy picked it back up, completed the call and continued firing at the enemy who was closing in. Severely wounded, Lt. Murphy returned to his cover position with his men and continued the battle.

As a result of Murphy’s call, an MH-47 Chinook helicopter, with eight additional SEALs and eight Army Night Stalkers aboard, was sent in as part of the QRF to extract the four embattled SEALs. As the Chinook drew nearer to the fight, a rocket-propelled grenade hit the helicopter, causing it to crash and killing all 16 men aboard.

On the ground and nearly out of ammunition, the four SEALs, continued to fight. By the end of a two-hour gunfight that careened through the hills and over cliffs, Murphy, Gunner’s Mate 2nd Class (SEAL) Danny Dietz and Sonar Technician 2nd Class (SEAL) Matthew Axelson had fallen. An estimated 35 Taliban were also dead. The fourth SEAL, Hospital Corpsman 2nd Class (SEAL) Marcus Luttrell, was blasted over a ridge by a rocket-propelled grenade and knocked unconscious. Though severely wounded, the fourth SEAL and sole survivor, Luttrell, was able to evade the enemy for nearly a day; after which local nationals came to his aide, carrying him to a nearby village where they kept him for three more days. Luttrell was rescued by U.S. Forces on July 2, 2005.

By his undaunted courage, intrepid fighting spirit and inspirational devotion to his men in the face of certain death, Lt. Murphy was able to relay the position of his unit, an act that ultimately led to the rescue of Luttrell and the recovery of the remains of the three who were killed in the battle.

Lt. Murphy was buried at Calverton National Cemetery less than 20 miles from his childhood home. In addition to being awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, Lt. Murphy’s other personal awards include the Purple Heart, Combat Action Ribbon, the Joint Service Commendation Medal, the Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal, Afghanistan Campaign Ribbon and National Defense Service Medal.

Pros:
Brave in the face of mortal danger
Willing to die so others might live
Loyal to family, friends, country
Understand what brotherhood means
Strong and mighty
Skilled with weapons and in war
Intelligent and accomplished
Ruggedly handsome

Cons:

Targets for terrorists

A rough day at the office could mean a folded flag

Made to endure baseless charges from the thankless at home and abroad

Even in peace they hear the call to war

Might not live to see the worth of their actions

Murph


Axe

Danny

Lone Survivor Marcus Luttrell

June 28, 2005 was the single largest loss of life for Naval Special Warfare since World War II. Below is a list of the brave warriors who were killed in action during Operation Redwing.

Navy SEALsSEAL Delivery Vehicle Team 1, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.
Lt. (SEAL) Michael P. Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y.
Sonar Technician (Surface) 2nd Class (SEAL) Matthew G. Axelson, 29, of Cupertino, Calif.
Machinist Mate 2nd Class (SEAL) Eric S. Patton, 22, of Boulder City, Nev.
Senior Chief Information Systems Technician (SEAL) Daniel R. Healy, 36, of Exeter, N.H.
Quartermaster 2nd Class (SEAL) James Suh, 28, of Deerfield Beach, Fla.

SEAL Delivery Vehicle Team 2, Virginia Beach, Va.
Gunner’s Mate 2nd Class (SEAL) Danny P. Dietz, 25, of Littleton, Colo.

SEAL Team 10, Virginia Beach, Va.
Chief Fire Controlman (SEAL) Jacques J. Fontan, 36, of New Orleans, La.
Lt. Cmdr. (SEAL) Erik S. Kristensen, 33, of San Diego, Calif.
Electronics Technician 1st Class (SEAL) Jeffery A. Lucas, 33, of Corbett, Ore.
Lt. (SEAL) Michael M. McGreevy Jr., 30, of Portville, N.Y.
Hospital Corpsman 1st Class (SEAL) Jeffrey S. Taylor, 30, of Midway, W.Va.

Army Night Stalkers3rd Battalion, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Hunter Army Air Field, Ga.
Staff Sgt. Shamus O. Goare, 29, of Danville, Ohio.
Chief Warrant Officer Corey J. Goodnature, 35, of Clarks Grove, Minn.
Sgt. Kip A. Jacoby, 21, of Pompano Beach, Fla.
Sgt. 1st Class Marcus V. Muralles, 33, of Shelbyville, Ind.
Maj. Stephen C. Reich, 34, of Washington Depot, Conn.
Sgt. 1st Class Michael L. Russell, 31, of Stafford, Va.
Chief Warrant Officer Chris J. Scherkenbach, 40, of Jacksonville, Fla.

HQ Company, 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment (Airborne), Fort Campbell, Ky.
Master Sgt. James W. Ponder III, 36, of Franklin, Tenn.

*For Dreamlady who wanted a real man, a modern man, and preferably a man still living.

Thomas Langlois Lefroy*

Basics:

Thomas Langlois Lefroy (1776–1869) was an Irish politician and judge. Accprding to Wikepedia, Tom Lefroy had an outstanding academic record at Trinity College, Dublin. In 1793, his great-uncle sponsored Tom's legal studies in London. Later, Tom became a prominent member of the Irish bar and published a series of Law Reports. He was promoted to Chieft Justice of the Court of Queen's Bench in Ireland in 1852. He admitted to family to having loved Jane Austen as a young man, and some believe he was her muse for her literary heroes. Upon learning of Jane Austen’s death, Thomas Langlois Lefroy traveled from Ireland to England to pay his respects to the British author. In addition, at an auction of Cadell's papers, Tom bought a Cadell publisher's rejection letter—for Austen’s early version of Pride and Prejudice (originally titled First Impressions).

Looks like this in real life as Chief Justice (age 72!!!)

Pros:

Irish

Smart guy

Blue eyes and handsome (ages well too!)

Likes to have wild fun

Romantic at heart

Doesn't forget his first love

Has good taste in literature and writers

Proves women wrong that "Mr. Darcy" doesn't exist

Looks like this in the movie Becoming Jane

Cons:

Cares too much what his family thinks

Wears a girly wig

Dysfunctional family of origin

Very judgmental

Lost his heart to Jane Austen a long, long time ago

His estate is becoming a golf course

Is currently deceased

*This post is for Meems, to boost her belief in Mr. Darcy.

Sir William Wallace

Basics:

William Wallace (c. 1272-76 – 1305) was a Scottish knight, landowner, and patriot who is known for leading a resistance during the Wars of Scottish Independence. He defeated an English army at Stirling and became Guardian of Scotland, serving until his defeat at the Battle of Falkirk. After several years in hiding, Wallace was eventually found in Scotland and handed over to Longshanks, Edward I of England, who had him executed for treason.

Pros:

Able to protect you in a fight

Loyal to friends, family, and country

National hero

Has a Scottish accent

Looks like this in the movies:

Cons:

Doesn't take a lot of baths

Gets bloody a lot

Always on the run from the law

Dies a horribly gruesome death (and you might too)

No AC, electricity, or indoor plumbing in the 1200s

Henry VIII

Basics:
According to Wikipedia, Henry VIII (1491–1547) was King of England and Lord of Ireland, later King of Ireland and claimant to the Kingdom of France, from April 21, 1509, until his death. Henry was the second monarch of the House of Tudor and a significant figure in the history of the English monarchy, separating the Anglican Church from Roman authority and establishing the English monarch as the Supreme Head of the Church of England. Henry also oversaw the legal union of England and Wales.

Pros:
King. of. England.
Accomplished author, poet, and musician
Skilled hunter and athlete
King. of. England.
Looks like this on screen (at 18, then middle-age)

Cons:
Not a one-woman man
Has a gambling problem
You'll be pressured to have a son
The whole nation will know your business
He might have you beheaded
Looks like this in real life (at 18, then middle-age)

Mr. Darcy

Basics:
Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy is a fictional character, the hero in Jane Austen's novel extraordinaire Pride and Prejudice. He woos and wins the heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, with his august moral character and lines like these: "By you I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased."

Pros*:
See romantic prose above
Wealthy
Well-connected
Fabulously handsome on the BBC
Dresses well
Rides horses
Plays hard-to-get

Cons:
Plays hard-to-get
Superiority complex
Not a suitable match (your parents would love him, but his wouldn't love you)
Given to believing gossip
Taken by our dear Miss Bennet

*Too many to list, people!

Jack Bauer

Basics:
Jack Bauer is the protagonist of the television series 24. Bauer has trained and worked in various capacities as a government agent, currently at the Counter Terrorist Unit in Los Angeles.

Pros:
Invincible
Can save you from terrorists
Strong and brave
Knows how to use a gun
Love his family
Knows President Palmer

Cons:
Is hardly ever home
Goes away without warning for long periods of time and doesn't call
Sometimes does drugs and other harmful things "for his job"
Tends to talk in an annoying whisper that he thinks is sexy
Has a lot of enemies
Most of his friends/family end up dead

William Wilberforce

Basics:
According to Wikipedia, William Wilberforce (1759–1833) was a British politician, philanthropist, and a leader of the movement to abolish the slave trade in Britian. A close friend of Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger, Wilberforce was one of the leading English abolitionists, heading the parliamentary campaign against the British slave trade until the eventual passage of the Slave Trade Act in 1807. Wilberforce was convinced of the importance of religion, morality, and education. He is buried in Westminster Abbey.

Pros:

Educated

Well-Read and articulate

Respected leader

Best friends with the Prime Minister

Fights for what he believes in

Has a heart to help others

Looks like this in the movies

Cons:
Unpopular do-gooder
Sickly
Has to win every argument
Will ignore you at dinner while reading the news
Talks about slavery all. the. time.
Currently deceased
May have looked like this in real life

Jesus

Basics:
The central figure of Christianity, the incarnation of God, the savior of mankind.

Pros:
Knows who he is
Wise beyond his years
He'd meet all your needs (the only man on the list who can!)
Knows everything about you...and loves you anyway
Will readily give up his life to save you
You don't have to worry about pleasing his mother

Cons:
Not the marrying kind
Won't live to see 40 (not on this earth, anyway)
Will ALWAYS be right in EVERY argument
Loves every other woman on the planet too